What are the signs that a guy might be a closet case?

Other than being a Republican senator!

Unattractive wife - if he's attractive

Stares at other guys crotches and LOVES hugging guys and talking to them while ignoring every female in the room?

He's an Evangelical Christian pastor.

If he’s super religious, if his wife/girlfriend is more than 5 years older, and there is something true to the asian girlfriend thing (when they have no feminine curves to their body). I can always spot a closet-case a mile away, they think they’re fooling everyone but some of us can tell - in which case, what is the fucking point?

Having a name like, oh I don't know, perhaps Emmanuel or Justin, and sublimating your same-sex desire into obtaining political power.

Dress shoes without socks, perfectly honed gym body (after the age of 25), has been in a musical (and in most cases, theater in general), has taken ballet, dance, etc. I know these sound like stereotypes but they are true.

His dick tastes like shit.

In the South if a hot guy from a small town marries a 'heavy woman' but with lots of personality and money- he's gay. Usually, they will have a baby soon after marriage if he can found her vagina to prove their love is real. After that, the clock is ticking.

I've seen this so many times. If the husband spends a lot of time planning their parties and working in the yard, it's only a matter of time.

they slap faces viciously and randomly

His face. There’s a reason AI is so successful at detecting if a guy is gay through the face.

They're constantly making homophobic remarks and talking about how evil gay people are and how much they hate them. If homosexuality is on their mind that much, there is usually a reason.

Well appointed kitchens and bathrooms. Extreme attention to anal hygiene. Likes 50’s kitsch a bit too much. Chats up the good looking shop boys with wife in tow.

Wears any sort of eye makeup, including clear- and spends more than $40 a month on skincare.

will only suck his wife's pussy, not fuck her

David Muir knows the answer to the question!

[quote] Dress shoes without socks

Then 90% of the guys I went to high school and college with are gay

Other than heavy metal musicians R14, how many men wear eye makeup and what exactly is "clear" eye makeup?

R17 And you live where?

Actually, if you live in south Florida, you aren't allowed to even wear socks. I have a huge dress sock fetish and so I stay further north.

Married to an Asian

Homophobic

Pointing out a hot chick every five seconds

Alcoholic

New York City, R19

Went to college in New Jersey

R5/R20 I can't imagine WHAT you mean.

Talks with his hands. A LOT.

Old Hollywood obsession

Disagrees with a key point in my psychoanalysis of an absent coworker.

[quote] Talks with his hands. A LOT.

[quote] if a hot guy from a small town marries a 'heavy woman' but with lots of personality and money- he's gay. Usually, they will have a baby soon after marriage if he can found her vagina to prove their love is real. After that, the clock is ticking. I've seen this so many times. If the husband spends a lot of time planning their parties.

[quote] Well appointed kitchens and bathrooms. Extreme attention to hygiene. Likes 50’s kitsch a bit too much.

[quote] has been in a musical (and in most cases, theater in general), has taken ballet, dance, etc. I know these sound like stereotypes but they are true.

So my cousin and my BIL are family in more than one way, it would seem....

The married to an Asian only applies to white guys. Asian guys who marry Asian girls marry within the race.

R18, clear mascara. All the straight bartenders at XL would wear it to enhance their eyes.

Believes he is "too busy" with work to date and find the right girl (or any girl).

If the wife fucks someone else (a man) & it's not a marriage dealbreaker, that might be a sign.

R5 R20 I am so tired of the 'married to an Asian so he must be gay' meme.

Straight men marry Asian women because they're smart, they're tidy, they're polite, they have nice tight pussies and they don't get fat.

Oh, wait...

r30, there are straights that have open marriages, though

R30 which seems like horseshit, because the reverse almost never happens i.e., the wife will not often leave a husband for one or two discreet infidelities. What is up with that?

interesting thoughts, because their used to be a handsome bodybuilder guy in his 40's now 50's that used to frequent my gym and he was 1) obsessed about his body, took steroids, always had a tan year round and wore those skimpy tank tops to work out in and even for a time wore a small hoop earring and 2) was married to 3 different women and NONE of them were on his level in terms of looks, body, etcetera.. and the last 2 were alot younger than him, one 10 years younger, the last and current one 13 years younger...

has a higher paying job so why can't he keep a woman? has 2 kids from 2 of them and supposedly was a big ole male whore before and during his marriages, allegedly?...

Or has been married to the same woman since the beginning of time with no hint of other women, while his wife ages naturally.

Only has very attractive male friends

Claims to be dating in Europe.

He notes your seasonal shoe line-up changes. In front of others.

I don’t defend an intricately crafted shoe policy in front of idiots.

A Canadian girlfriend that no one has ever met.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Vehemently against homosexuality.

3...2...1...he's gay!

Sings in church choir, bakes, loves Broadway!

[quote] Or has been married to the same woman since the beginning of time with no hint of other women, while his wife ages naturally.

Ed Harris is a closet case?

They never have a girlfriend

R40 OMG she could at least make an effort, like Brigitte Macron. That is hideous!

r40, that looks like Russell Crowe in drag

Guy in his 30s who's still single and childless (not even divorced or separated), constantly hanging around dudes, especially if ghewd-lewking and over 35. Or whose SO is conveniently located halfway across the country, continent or planet. They shut down gay dudes offering to suck them off, claiming they're straight and there are plenty of available women out there, yet there's never one by their side. Think Nathan Kehn or Dan the Cobbler

White boy married to an Asian gal

LMAO

My contribution was going to be “Fat/ugly wife if he’s attractive,” but R1 hit the ground running.

He is physically or verbally abusive to his wife

He gets married in Italy and invites full press coverage of the wedding to prove he is playing it straight.

TMI and minutiae in interviews about the courtship, marriage, proposal, how they met, etc.

Over the top PDA on red carpets.

Sofa jumping.

He would have no interest in me or other voluptuous ladies.

He gives more attention to his new stepson than he does his new wife.

He has a bitchy, diva like attitude.

R51 bro nah bad take....thats just....straight men..

R56 Maybe he treats her like shit because he doesn't want her. He wants a man instead.

We don’t understand the OP question, and we won’t respond to it.

Will date his "GF" for years but conveniently never pop the question or knock her up

R61 it’s joost that oi wanna foawcus on moy careeah!

Ok, I'll take the question somewhat seriously on the guess that the OP might be a straight woman trolling for info because she's wondering about her boyfriend.

A man who is exclusively attracted to having sex with women is unmistakable.

When they're trying to impress you and make you laugh so they can pick you up for a one-night stand or more, their eyes involuntarily widen when you do laugh at their jokes because a straight man is convinced, with some justification, that a woman they can make laugh is a woman they can get into bed.

If you watch their eyes and body language, when a woman, no matter her level of attractiveness, is present, they are subtlely. or overtly, assessing her.

If they're savvy about straight female games, they won't put-up with the "I just want to be friends" bullshit that a lot of women like to put out, and they'll move on from you. They don't want a non-sexual "friends"; they want to have sex with you, and if you ain't up for that, they move on.

And good for them. Plus, they know that a straight female can't stand indifference from a man.

A woman knows, by instinct, gut feeling or just old plain old powers of deduction when a man she's interacting with is straight. They're unmistakable.

Religious anything, wife is chubby but meticulous nails and over the top hair (usually blonde) oh wait just look at Todd Chrisley, there’s your poster child for a gay man in a fake straight relationship trying to convince the world and himself he’s not a cock lover.

[quote] a straight man is convinced, with some justification, that a woman they can make laugh is a woman they can get into bed.

Straight men, regardless of their desirability, are convinced with no justification that any women who shares oxygen and space with them is a woman they can get into bed.

It’s their most risible quality, only but aren’t allowed to laugh at it in case they get assaulted for the crime of daring to point out a ludicrous reach by an over inflated ego.

He avoids making eye-contact when you hang out in a group and is dismissive....but in private seems playful and excited.

It's that "get away from me dude, no homo/teehee, aren't I adorable" dichotomy.

And they'll never make the first move.

R62 He's married to his job or "hasn't found the right girl yet", said the 6' Chad with piercing blue eyes. Can't believe how many closet cases are there out there!

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